"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first."
Revelation 2:4-5

ok i know it isn't the full verse, and it looks like i'm taking this out of context. but hey.

looking back now, i guess i hadn't even realised how far i'd fallen. now that i look back, knowing what i know now, that must have been a lot. and yet, somehow He was there, sustaining me, giving me stuff to fill my inner emptiness, although it was a far cry from the abundant life He promised. Sure, i was serving, i was attending church, but all of it felt so artificial, so... contrived. and yet His mercy was there all the time. amazing grace, indeed.

but now i know better. i've gone back to my first love! spending time in the Word, just enjoying His presence. indeed, repenting and doing the things i did at first, has helped me get back on my feet again.

i guess no one but the Lord will know truly how much i fell. but He remembers my sins and lawless deeds no more, so who am i to remember them?

you know, that verse "casting your cares unto the Lord, for He cares for you", in the amplified translation, actually says casting your cares unto the Lord once and for all. what to do after that? abound therein with thanksgiving. too simple to be true? it is! and that's what i'm practising now. heck care tomorrow. who cares how busy/slack tomorrow will be?

delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.