drat. i dunno all the lyrics to this (new) song

You're my Righteousness
My Deliverer
I am free and alive
'cos You live in me

I will shout and sing
Unto You my King
You're my Jesus
In You I live

Went out with lw, keat, and neo to great world city to celebrate neo’s birthday in advance. Turns out I was the earliest. Heh, so much for being punctual. And the 3 of them are still in scouts.

After much deliberation, which wasn’t that much, we ended up watching “the prestige”, even though keat and I wanted to watch “the guardian”. I’m not going to spoil the movie here. All I’ll say is that if you want to watch a movie that’s pretty much talking about revenge and taking an eye for an eye, this is a show you wouldn’t want to miss. Also, if you liked christian bale (whom I shall refer to now on as ‘batman’) in batman begins (whom I did) and hugh jackman (whom I shall refer to now on as ‘wolverine’) in x-men (whom I did but not as much as batman in batman begins), you’d probably appreciate what versatile actors they are (actually only batman lah, wolverine still quite aggressive alpha-male type in both shows). But then again, now I don’t like both batman and wolverine that much, because of this show. Really not meng backstab one another. Oops, just spoilered it. In this show I also learnt that batman actually not so virtuous one, also sink to other people’s level. And also, wolverine lost his regen powers. So weak man.

...

Should have watched the Guardian.




btw, happy 17 to neo. My wishes to him: grow taller this year!

pls

Oh yes, pls.

Pls make me come back to school at 3pm when my day ends at 9.30am.
Pls make me waste 1 hour traveling home and another traveling back to school.
Pls make me come back to school for a dance practice session which I am not participating in.
Pls make me wait for half an hour from 3 to 3.30pm before the session actually starts.
Pls tell me, when the session actually starts, that the session is cancelled because less than 10 out of 20 students are here.
Pls tell me to come to school for something i'm not directly involved in and then go back on your word by cancelling it.
Pls tell me that I have to come back for another dance practice session which I will not be involved again during the school holidays.
Pls tell me that I can go home after spending the past half an hour in school which took 1 hour to reach from home.
Pls make me waste another hour going home from school which I only spent 1 hour in the whole afternoon.
Pls make me waste a total of 3 hours of my life on something which never took place.

Oh yes, pls.

what matters most to me

I just helped Kelvin print out his H3 application form.

Not that many months ago, I remember myself bringing to school a H3 application form to submit, in hope more than expectation that I’d get chosen. (Now I realize that hope is the confident expectation of good…but that’s another story)

Now I don’t even qualify. How times change.

Perhaps the only thing that never changed was my arrogance. In my own abilities, in my own intelligence, in my own this, in my own that, in essence, in myself. Look where that’s brought me.

It was pure agony just now as I went through the name list of students eligible for H3. Despite looking at the names again and again, the search for my name was to no avail. I have to admit, thoughts of jealousy did cross my mind. Finally, I admitted defeat. It wasn’t so much the course I wanted to apply for, it was more of the recognition of being a top student. But truth be told, there would be no justice if my name were on that list. I didn’t deserve to be there, based on how much effort I put in over the past year. The last minute attempts to salvage everything through promos failed, most spectacularly in chemistry, where I was, quote unquote, “confident of my ability in chem.”.

If there’s one thing I learnt, it’s this: in the grand scheme of things, my own efforts, no matter how much I put in, will never amount to anything. Perhaps some will do better than me, but no matter, they will still fail. Thus I am thankful that all this “failure” has happened to me at such an early stage of my life, to teach me this wonderful lesson.

Those of you better than me academically will probably think, “what in the world is this idiot talking about? He’s probably just upset because his promo results sucked,” so maybe I am. But I’m telling you, I’m grateful I learnt this lesson through promos. Some of you may learn it much later in life, if you start a business or what. Now, I’m not cursing you for your business to go bust or what. But I guess my lesson has taught me to always depend on the one who will make sure everything happens for my good. And because of that, my path will always shine brighter and brighter till the perfect day.

And you know what? I’ve stopped being upset and angry for not making the “top student “ list anymore. It doesn’t matter if I’m right up there or not. Even though studies should be and is my main concern as of now, I’m not bothered if I’m not an overachiever. The best thing is, I have continual fellowship with my God, and that’s all that matters.

who says Christian songs are boring?

yep, Christian songs also have this kind of damn loud music. who says all our songs involve only organ music?

Hillsong - Salvation is Here



God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
And I don't care what the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright

Hear the sounds of the generations
Making loud our freedom song
All in all that the world would know Your name
It's gonna be alright

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here

Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Cause You are alive and You live in me

Hillsong - Take It All



Searching the world
The lost will be found
In freedom we live
As one we cry out
You carried the cross
You died and rose again
My God
I’ll only ever give my all

You sent Your Son
From heaven to earth
You delivered us all
It’s eternally heard
I searched for truth
And all I found was You
My God
I’ll only ever give my all

Jesus we’re living Your Name
We’ll never be ashamed of You
Whoa o oh
Our praise and all we are today
Take take take it all
Take take take it all

Running to the One
Who heals the blind
Following the shining light
In Your hands
The power to save the world
My life

originally, i felt obliged to blog about my promo results, angst a bit (as all students without perfect scores would do), and just talk about how i could have worked harder.

but then i realised, in the grandest scheme of things, my results have as much significance on the universe as about a drop of water in the ocean. okay. bad analogy. but ultimately, none of this matters after all.

i suspect that i wouldn't be saying this if i had gotten straight As, i'd probably brag a little, but then again, if you really think about it, getting straight As for promos means nothing really. sure, it would put me in a good position to apply for h3, work as a confidence booster, but at the end of the day, the only exam that really “matters” is a levels. And who says that if I were to do badly for a levels, I wouldn’t get a good job?

All this talk about doing well to get into a varsity course that one wants is not without any factual basis, but I think it would be folly to feel condemned and worked up and disappointed with oneself if one were to not make it to one’s desired course. After all, the course you major in may not even be the field you work in in the future.

But I digress.

-----

Actually, today I was thinking about the increasing pervasiveness of horror films in the media, especially in the film industry. It seems that not a day goes by now where there is not at least one ad in the papers about a horror film, be it about a chainsaw gone haywire, or some fuzzy tv screen that makes funny noises, or even some engagement ring or whatever ring of some sort that seems to be cursed, etc, etc…you get my point. It seems as if our (not referring to myself here) fascination with supernatural powers on the dark side has been so widely accepted that it’s almost part of our culture. Heck, even our own country has produced “horror films” about disgruntled maids and stuff.

But the clincher for me is why people, especially those below 30, would pay good money just to, well, spook themselves out, essentially. I mean, you want to scare yourself, there are plenty of good ways. You pay me a dollar and I’ll hide in a cubicle and make funny noises whenever someone enters the gents. Hey, why don’t you pay me, I charge a lower price. Or, I could hide in the mailbox or some random dustbin and grab people’s hands when they dump their mail/rubbish.

But let’s talk about the benefits of watching such shows, if they even do exist. If you watch action/romance films, at least you let your imagination run wild a bit, about being the next kungfu hero, or the next Casanova. You watch comedy, hey, laughter does good to the body like medicine. You watch films like TDAT, it raises awareness for the environment. But horror films? You just become demon/ghost/evil spirit/devil-conscious. And trust me when I say this does you more harm than good. Actually, it does you no good.

But seriously. I have gone on movie outings with my peers before, and some (not all) have in the past suggested that we all went to watch horror flicks. I remember about 2 years ago, I went on a class outing with some ex-classmates, and when we reached the cinema, before we even discussed on what to watch, they all simultaneously agreed to watch a horror flick. Except me. So one of them volunteered to watch an action flick with me, sacrificing watching with everyone else. Of course I couldn’t let him do this for me and to me, so I just left the cinema and told them, “maybe next time.” They never asked me again since. Lol.

i might expound more next time on why there is also a perpetual obsession of teenagers to watch nc16 or m18 films once they are of age. Or i might not. :)

these few days, God has been telling me this:

human experience is fact.
but God's word is Truth.

the feelings we have are real.
but His word is ultimate Reality.

our circumstances change all the time.
but God's word never changes.



in spite of my situation, i am holding on to God's word.

...

...ok.

i'm one of those idiots who pulled the class average down. for chem.

...

it's so much easier to condemn and shake our heads in disgust when we see people not living a "moral", upright, or to a certain extent, "holy" life.

it's so much easier to say "how can he do something like this?!" in rage and anger than to try and find out what's wrong with the person, beneath his facade, beneath the masks he's wearing.

it's so much easier to tell someone "you shouldn't be doing this you know, you're only harming yourself", than to actually picture ourselves in that exact same situation and see how we ourselves would respond.

why am i still surprised when people around me are living in sin?

after all, what else can we all be but sinners without Christ?

hillsong - at the cross

Leisure


What is this life if, full of care
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.


~ William Henry Davies

is this good or bad?

so today i was waiting for the bus at the terminal, when this woman from the bus company came up to me to do survey. since i was just standing there and doing nothing, might as well.

she was asking me about how satisfied i was with the bus service, cleanliness of the bus (they're REALLY clean), how safely the bus drivers drove, how satisfied i was with the waiting time etc.

to be honest, i only have one bone to pick with the bus drivers. imagine you're standing in a damn crowded bus, and there's hardly any space for you to move, and then suddenly you approach a traffic junction and the driver jams the brakes. not funny ok! suddenly you lose your balance and have to desperately grab onto something before you get flung onto someone else.

i know that you all know what i'm talking about. why can't they start braking earlier? then slow down slowly. not slow down quickly.


anyway, after the survey, she asked me if i was a secondary school student. mind you, i was wearing our college uniform.

i told her no, i was in jc, and guess what she said?





"oh, i couldn't tell, you have that baby look."





ok lor. whatever you say.

is that good or bad?

bugs bunny - hillbilly hare

some stupid humour.





but i like the part where bugs bunny plays the viola and sings. listen to the lyrics =)

my shiny teeth and me

i finally found it!




My Shiny Teeth and Me - Chip Skylark

When I'm feeling lonely
Sad as I can be
All by myself
An uncharted island
In an endless sea

What makes me happy
Fills me up with glee
Those bones in my jaw that don't have a flaw
My shiny teeth and me

My shiny teeth that twinkle
Just like the stars in space
My shiny teeth that sparkle
Add beauty to my face

My shiny teeth that glisten
Just like a Christmas tree
You know they'd walk a mile just to see me smile
(Woo!)
My shiny teeth and me
(Shiny teeth, shiny teeth)

Yes they're all so perfect
So white and pearly
Brush gargle rinse
A couple breath mints
My shiny teeth and me

My shiny teeth so awesome
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
Just like a favorite song
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
My shiny teeth I floss them
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
So they'll grow to be real strong
(He's got really shiny teeth)

My shiny teeth I love them
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
And they all love me
(Ahh...)
But should I talk to you when I got 32
(Woo!)
My shiny teeth and me
(Shiny teeth, shiny teeth)
My shiny teeth and me
(Shiny teeth, shiny teeth)

My shiny teeth that twinkle
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
Just like the stars in space
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
My shiny teeth that sparkle
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
Add beauty to my face
(He's got really shiny teeth)

My shiny teeth that glisten
(Shiny teeth, sh-shiny teeth)
Just like a Christmas tree
(Ahh...)
You know they'd walk a mile just to see me smile
(Woo!)
My shiny teeth and me
(Shiny teeth, shiny teeth)

My shiny teeth and me
(Shiny teeth, shiny teeth)
My shiny teeth and me
(Shiny teeth, shiny teeth)





ok so maybe the lyrics are a bit corny. but the song's really nice!

i want to see a sunset like this

In time the glowing, cratered moon began its seeming rise from the sea, casting a prism of light across the slowly darkening water, splitting itself into a thousand different parts, each more beautiful than the last. At exactly the same moment, the sun was meeting the horizon in the opposite direction, turning the sky red and orange and yellow, as if heaven above had suddenly opened its gates and let all its beauty escape its holy confines. The ocean turned golden silver as the shifting colours reflected off it, waters rippling and sparkling with the changing light, the vision glorious, almost like the beginning of time. The sun continued to lower itself, casting its glow as far as the eye could see, before finally, slowly, vanishing beneath the waves. The moon continued its slow drift upward, shimmering as it turned a thousand different shades of yellow, each paler than the last, before finally becoming the colour of the stars.

(From: A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks)

don't you?

broke my glasses again. in just 2 months.

the guy at the shop was telling us that of all the customers who bought this model, i'm the only one who broke it not once, but twice, and had to come back for repair. my dad, of course, rebutted by saying that those customers decided not to come back to this shop since theirs broke quickly too. now that's a bold statement. thankfully the guy let it slide and took it as a joke.

anyway, i got a bit fed up with breaking my glasses again. and it was the exact same area of my specs which broke, the joint where you fold the handle. specifically the right handle.

so i decided to change to another model, which makes this the 3rd set of specs i'm wearing this year. crikey. talk about rapid change.

but now i am here, blogging without my specs on, so i have to squint (a little only though) and see if i've typed anything wrong.

***

oh yeah, crocodile hunter died yesterday. i can't say it's a total surprise, after all, he was working with wild animals, but, it was still rather surprising... well, there's one less docu to watch on animal planet now.

Sometimes when we think we’ve seen all the examples of the lack of common sense, someone would suddenly pop up just to surprise us all over again.

They’ve reinforced my belief that all people, regardless of race, language, or religion, in this fine land (literally) are in serious need of General Common Sense Education (GCSE). Ok, sorry that was lame.

The phrase “common sense is uncommon” is an understatement.

So mum and I were playing badminton at the court downstairs. Suddenly these 3 incredibly smart kids came onto the court and started playing with one skate scooter as if mum and I weren’t there.

You know, if I were in that department for planning our curriculum, the GCSE syllabus would probably look something like this:

CHAPTER 1: USING COMMON SENSE IN THE BADMINTON COURT

LEARNING OBJECTIVES:

At the end of the chapter, candidates should be able to:

1) understand the dangers of standing between 2 people playing badminton
2) explain why one should not stand near 2 people playing badminton
3) realize that walking right in between 2 people playing badminton is stupid
4) IN OTHER WORDS, STOP WALKING IN BETWEEN 2 PEOPLE PLAYING BADMINTON! WTH IS YOUR PROBLEM!

First there was this woman. Mind you, she wasn’t that kind of old lady who couldn’t walk without her walking stick. She was probably in her early 20s, and just nonchalantly walked across the court, right in between us. I had this strong temptation to just smack the shuttlecock right into her. Actually, I initially wanted to pretend to lose control of my racquet and fling it at her, but thank God I didn’t.

Later on was this guy, probably in his 30s, who also just as bo chap just walked across. He even gave me that kind of “how-dare-you-play-while-I’m-cutting-across” look as he walked straight in between us. Well, maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but the way he walked was as if he deserved us to stop playing while he was walking across. Naturally we paused to let him cross, but that’s not the point. I just didn’t want to give myself the chance to fling my racquet at him.

Oh, did I mention those kids? Almost throughout the entire time mum and I were playing, they were doing stupid tricks on their skate scooter. Like, after getting enough momentum, the kid would squat on the scooter and let it roll. Wow lor. Well, maybe because they’re still (from what they looked like) lower elementary kids, I didn’t really tick them off. But there were a few times they, as well as some other kids, nearly crushed mum’s specs. Especially this kid who, on the bike, stopped just in time to not crush the specs, but part of its wheel had landed on my mum’s specs. His friend who was just in front of him had obviously seen mum’s specs, but, not knowing what it was (he admitted as much), obviously thought it was alright not to warn his friend. Thank God my mum used her shrill voice and scared the kid to half-death. He still looked a bit shaken, since he didn’t know what wrong he’d done.

But this brings me back to my point that sometimes, people should just STAY AWAY when people are playing badminton. I mean, how difficult/troublesome is it to just move out a bit more and walk slightly more for the convenience of others?

Oh well, self-centeredness.

Proverbs 4:18 declares this:

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day.



whether i know/feel it or not, every circumstance in my life is getting brighter and brighter every day.

I’m glad that people like Mr Choe are in my life.

It’s not often that, when we are all so self-absorbed in our troubles, someone comes along to remind us that there’s a larger world out there, beyond the gates of our premier school. (oh, the blasphemy of that thought!)

A lot of us (myself included) always make our own problems the epicenter of the universe, and think that the entire cosmos revolve around me. So if something goes wrong in my life, the entire world should sit up and take notice.

Get a life.

To quote lahdder, “there are people out there with much more real troubles.”

I mean, while some of us are here worrying about the next assignment deadline, there are other people (whom most of the people I know do not know of) who are dealing with really serious issues, like dysfunctional families, parents’ divorce, family members with serious health issues etc.

A lot of things we worry about ultimately don’t matter. 20 years down the road, who’s really going to remember what they achieved in school? The so-called “good memories”, if still there, would probably only be the most outstanding ones.

And yet, now, some of us fret over the least of things (PW comes to mind). Maybe you have a group member you don’t like. Deal with it. It’s only, what, 1 more month?

I read a friend’s blog the other day and he was commenting on how his favourite contestants on reality tv shows got kicked out one by one. And I was like “ookkkaayyyy…” and I thought blogs were meant for writing sad stuff. Maybe he was sad, that his “favourite” contestant got eliminated.

I saw another friend’s blog about him screwing up bio SPA because of some graph he didn’t draw. Deal with it. It’s no big deal. I’ve screwed up lots of tests, do you see me complaining?

I read another friend’s blog about how she had like no friends and stuff like that in school, being alone all the time. Go find a friend then, instead of angsting. Friends don’t just drop from the sky you know.

But what Mr Choe said holds true. There are so many similarities in so many blogs (especially those of Singaporean students’) that to a certain extent, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen ‘em all. Really, if they’re not angsting about their school life, they’re angsting about their school life. If it’s not this person they’re unhappy about, it’s that person. Blah blah blah. All these are such trivial matters.

I look at some of my previous posts, and wonder in incredulity how I could have been such a self-centered person and think all day about my needs.

“blah blah blah your needs! What about my needs?!”

but then again, I had not realized it yet then. After lahdder and I had been speaking about this, and mr choe mentioning it today, I’m convinced that I’m being told to look away from my own struggles and pain, and look to the finished work of the Cross.

I myself am also susceptible to angsting about such trivial matters many a time, but I hope that from now onwards, whenever I blog, I’ll have a world perspective – one that doesn’t make myself the center of the world, but really, compare myself with someone less better off and thank Him for such a peaceful life. It’s not going to be easy, I’ll still be self-absorbed at times, but bear with me. I’m still learning.

---

On a completely unrelated note, sometimes, when you’re having a bad day, the few people who actually bother to ask you about how you are, or even just spend time with you, even if no actual conversation takes place, does do much to lessen one’s unhappiness, and make school life worthwhile all over again. Many thanks to those people. You know who you are. =)

Ever wondered why we all have 2 ears and 1 mouth?

No, seriously. Think about it.

I realize that we never learn by talking; we learn by listening. When we talk with people, it’s normally the other person’s input about him/herself that lets us know him/her better. We don’t learn more about other people by talking (maybe the only thing we do is gossip when we talk about others!) but never learn.

Could it be, just imagine for a moment, that the way our body is built is trying to tell us something? That, maybe, if we listened twice as much as we talked, we would learn more?

A lot of people are too busy talking, talking, talking.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t talk and all just shut up and listen. Firstly, no one would do the talking, and secondly, it will never happen anyway.

***

(next topic)

I venture to say that at 17, none of us (no, not even the best of us) are very comfortable with who we are. There are always insecurities we feel about ourselves. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong, I’m just stating a fact. Those who say they don’t feel any sense of insecurity with themselves at all are obviously lying. Honestly, at this age, most of us are still having that identity crisis (it takes more than a few adolescent years you know), and I know that even as we become adults, we will never become fully comfortable with ourselves, just that we would probably know how to deal with our insecurities better.

*by being comfortable with oneself here means able to forgive oneself for past mistakes made, not always complaining about oneself, and be generally contented with who oneself is.

As for now, I know that many people would either always have friends around them to reduce their sense of insecurity; or keep it to themselves. A minority would project their own insecurities onto other people, mostly by niaoing.

To keep this short, I’m only going to focus on the 3rd group. I’ve realized that what these people need most are the affirmation and acknowledgement of others. Actually, everyone needs these 2 things, but perhaps those who niao others are in greater need, because they’re becoming desperate. Try being nice to someone who niaos you (as difficult as it is), and you may see a different side of them.

I say that both as a victim and a propagator of niaoing. I know what it feels like to be niaoed, and maybe partly because of that, I project my own fears onto other people by niaoing them. I’m not justifying my acts, I’m just saying why I (and other people who are very niao) do what we do.

Pastor Prince said this: People who are hurt hurt others.
That’s why, if you see me niaoing people less one day, it’s probably because I’ve finally come to terms with myself, and am less insecure (I didn’t say totally secure; that will probably never happen till I reach heaven).